And so we begin.
Pre-telecast tidbits:
*Rihanna pulls a no-show,
*Heavy D performance,
*Lil Wayne cops Best Rap Solo Performance (A Milli), Best Rap Song (Lollipop),
*Chris Brown turns himself in under suspicion of domestic violence. [UPDATE: according to the LA Times’ music blog, Brown was “booked tonight on suspicion of making felony criminal threats in connection with an incident involving his girlfriend, pop singer Rihanna”.] Read that here with further updates here and here.
U2 opens the show with their new joint, Get on Your Boots. Bono gives the post-performance introduction to… Whitney! Who comes out looking a little worse for post-martini wear! A little dap to Clive (Davis) for his Industry Icon Award before announcing the noms and winner of the Best R&B Album, which goes to J-Hud. Having a little trouble getting the winner’s name out, Whit-Whit? Clive’s post-Whitney project giving Whitney the “I’ll pray for you, girl” hug. Think everyone wants to see her take this, considering how the past few months have gone for her.
The Rock! Guess the wrestling ring didn’t prep you for presenting at the Grammys. He’s bothering me. Beatle Fighters, Rock? Really? Hope the “incredible night” consists of less Rock. Introduces JT.
Justin drops science on how Al Green taught him soul then attempts a boob of a joke about “The General Store”. Introduces Boyz II Men, Keith Urban and the good Reverend to join him for the requisite tribute. How predictable. Let’s Stay Together? You guessed right? Did these guys do soundcheck together? Timing’s a little left of the accurate margin. But did you hear the good Rev sustain that key? Urban freaks a respectable guitar solo to make his appearance worthwhile. Boyz II Men get no leads – strictly background. Kinda like their career right now. [this segment had been thrown together at the last minute to fill this segment because Rihanna cancelled her appearance…check the official word here] [02/10/09 UPDATE: this is the final update because there’s nothing more to be said about Chrianna-gate!]
Simon Baker? The prop to introduce one of tonight’s heavyweights, Coldplay. Chris & crew bust out and (predictably) Jay-Z joins them to drop a new verse for Lost. Never saw THIS coming. Really. And, of course, Viva La Vida to finish.
Carrie Underwood performance. Don’t know that I’ll give this much commentary. Nope. Not gonna.
Sheryl “I Didn’t Put Any Thought Into This Dress” Crow and Lee Ann Rimes give props to some ole country gal before going into the Best Country Duo/Group noms and winner. Bathroom break. Oh, Sugarland apparently won. Weren’t they a Cdn blues-rock band from AB? Or was that an album by Honeymoon Suite?
Duffy and Rev Green singsong into the noms and winner for Song of the Year. They should never work together. Ever. Wonder how she feels announcing Adele and Estelle as nominees…*whew*…dodged the bullet of having to hand one of them the award. Coldplay takes this one.
Kid Rock hits the stage. Yes, he was mentored by D-Nice. Don’t know who I was dissing there. Pulls this bluesy rock off a lot better than the CN Tower hightop fade he used to sport.
The much-ballyhooed Miley/Taylor Fifteen (minutes of fame) duet. Oops, mic pop, Mr. Producer. Across North America tweens are swaying in unison. Swift looks Vulcan. Best friend, Miley? Somewhere, Casey is weeping. On to the Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals. Robert Plant and Allison Krauss win proves 40+ years in the biz = Grammy. Lacklustre acceptance, yo.
Oh, snap. J-Hud centre stage. Not a dry eye around. Can’t front – You Pulled Me Through performance is moving. 
Le, sigh. Stevie onstage with The Jonas Brothers. Typical Grammy flub. Someone please shoot les Jonas for BUTCHERING Superstition. This is making my bones ache. I hate the producer.
Hey, it’s Travis Barker and those guys from the All the Small Things video. Present Best Rock Album to…Coldplay. They’re kinda owning this.
Wow, did the writers drop the ball for Craig Ferguson. Those one-liners bricked. He segues into Katy Perry – who drops her big kissing song.
Whoa, right into Kanye who drops his first verse, adlibs, second verse and more adlibs off American Boy. Oh, Estelle is performing, too. Love that girl. I meant Estelle.
That was the intro to the Best New Artist category. Wow, Jazzmine Sullivan got a nom! No, really! Ooh, Adele knocks out all the other UK-based soul-pop sang-ers. Take a shot for every expletive that’s coming out of Amy Winehouse‘s mouth right now.
The distinguished Morgan Freeman stumbled on the word ‘pirate’. And proclaimed his bromance with Kenny Chesney. Anyone need a drink?
Puffy, Herbie Hancock and Natalie Cole just strolled out to announce the Record of the Year winner. WHOO! MIA nom! Plant & Krauss again. What are Herbie and Puffy laughing at?
Khadijah…sorry, Latifah is out to introduce the big Swagga Like Us collab (Best Rap Song, Best Rap Performance) with prego-licious and lyric-mouthing MIA, the Weezy and Yeezy man dem, the Hova-nator and soon-to-be-Akon-ed T.I.
“That was brilliant,” exclaimed Coldplay frontman Chris Martin.
A very capable Sir Paul McCartney breezes through I Saw Her Standing There backed by Dave Grohl, a stuffed dog and the rest of the band. I envy Grohl. He’s backing a Beatle. Rippin’ it, too.
Jack Black and Charlie Haden onstage so Jack can jock Charlie. Best Male Pop Vocal Performance goes to Jennifer Aniston‘s former boytoy John “Borat Thong Boy” Mayer.
Bad chemistry introduction by Uncle L and his groupie for Sugarland and Adele in what can only be another Jonas/Stevie-like conundrum. Sugarland done come a long way from Medicine Hat! Collective sigh let out when it was clear they were performing separately. Hey, what’s Ricki Lake doing onstage?!?
Ladies and gentlemen, Gwyneth Paltrow. Next up – after Apple’s moms finishes her mythologizing – Radiohead with the USC marching band! Is Thom Yorke epileptic or channelling Axel? Still, a strong performance all ’round. ‘kay, I’m getting goosebumps. Maybe I need to check these guys live…
Oh, yeah, baby, it’s Jedi Master Mace Windu! Proclaiming HIS bromance with JT (who knew all these folks would out themselves at an award show)! Timberlake on keys to set off his Dead and Gone performance with TI. Really, though…rapping over your lyrics on the Grammys, dawg? They’ve turned this into a rock opera. I like Clifford Harris, Jr and I’m glad Warner had the sense to release this as a single but did he have go out like Meatloaf?
Grammy prez Neil Portnow gives love to Barack Obama‘s Grammy wins. Shameless self-love, sir. Here comes Smokey to give the Lifetime Achievement Award to The Four To…err, last surviving Top Duke Fakir who’s joined onstage by Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx (who’s comin’ harder, better, faster, stronger on vocals) for a rip-roarin’ medley that gets everyone off they feetsies. 
Josh Groban comes out to intro Neil Diamond. Hey, remember when he starred in Saving Silverman with Steve Zahn , Black and Jason Biggs? Yeah, that was more entertaining than this Atlantic City-style schmaltzfest of a performance for Sweet Caroline. Yuck.
Montage of many greats who have passed on. Hate this part.
Big guitar jamboree onstage with B.B. King, John Mayer, Buddy Guy and Keith Urban for a Bo Diddley love-in. Enjoying this.
Nice. Robin Thicke and Lil’ Wayne kickin’ it soulful-like with Tie My Hands. And, Weezy’s giving it to us really good – even if you can hear that annoying backing track. And now joined by Allen Toussaint on keys and the Dirty Dozen Brass Band! They smilin’ down in N’awlins. What?! Terence Blanchard, too! This was rollicking! 
Will.i.am and T-Pain are out. They look like siblings. Will looks like Taboo, too. Noms for Best Rap Album with the award goin’ out to…FYI: all of the noms deserve this…The Carter III! Take another shot if you called the ubiquitous white tee for the acceptance speech.
“And now for our hastily scheduled chronic break.”
Anyone could have seen they would bring out Krauss, Plant and T-Bone Burnett to play material (Rich Woman, Gone, Gone, Gone) that got them Grammy lurve this year. Wasn’t bad.
Green Day on the mic to announce the winners of Producer of the Year (Rick Rubin) and Album of the Year (Krauss and Plant’s Raising Sand). The upper decks seem so enthused. Is that heckling from the upper decks? Cue polite applause.
Surprised that the closing number is All About the Love Again from Stevie. Not a bad thing. But then why wouldn’t NARAS remind you that Obama and the Grammys are one.
There, ladies and gentlemen, are your 51st annual Grammy Awards! Afterparty time! Don’t hesitate to let the feedback flow forth.
Boogie
(photo jacked fr my homie, Hza‘s 
bundown dot com 